You Must Build Relationships That Matter

Building Relationships That Matter
I’ve been pondering what to write for a few days now. There are so many great ideas, wherever I look lately and they’re all such great inspiration. There’s so much fantastic stuff and it will all, if applied well and consistently, help me to help you bring your dreams to life. Don’t believe me, well let’s look at some of the best contenders.

First there was 22 Quick Actions You Can Take Today To Avoid Unemployment Forever by Caleb Wojcik over at Pocket Changed. This to me is awesome because it is so relevant whether you’re directly employed or self-employed or a budding entrepreneur. It’s also awesome because it’s just so jam-packed with advice that unless you’re not actually reading it, there’s loads of things that you can do. For example here’s 3 great points:

  • Reconnect with Past Mentors
  • Setup or Refresh your LinkedIn profile (I’ve been doing this myself)
  • Make Money Teaching Others How to Do Something You Love

There’s so much more, do yourself a favour and check out the post.

Then there’s a new site that I’ve only recently discovered, via Sean Ogle, called The Middle Finger Project by Ashley Ambirge, with her wickedly acidic yet straight up and honest Homeless to Six Figures in 365 Days.

It’s the kind of kick you in the teeth advice that I think we all need at times to realise that we’ve got to get in there and just do it. I was scrolling through my morning tweets, with eyes barely focusing and I see this great tweet from Sean. Then I clicked on it and thought that I must still be sleeping. Who talks like this? Well, obviously Ashley does.

If you think your life is bad, that it’s going nowhere and there’s nothing you can do about it, you’re wrong and this lovely lady’s going to tell you why and kick you in to action whether you like it or not.

Then there’s How to Start a Blog that Matters, by Corbett Barr at Think Traffic. This course, from the master of traffic himself, will help you create, grow and maintain a blog that really has soul and stands out amongst all the others. I’m going to be on the course soon, especially as it’s also been plugged by a friend of mine, Benny Hsu from GetBusyLivingBlog. I’ll keep you posted on how I go with it.

But then came the mother-load, which came when I listed to episode #29 of the Smart Passive Income podcast by Pat Flynn with Lewis Howes. It just blew me away. There was so much in it, from using LinkedIn to build a brand to a comprehensive overview of what webinars are and an absolute no-holes barred guide on how to use them to build presence and communicate the value that you have to your current and future audience.

It’s amazing and I really encourage you to listen to it and take notes!

But the one thing that truly stood out to me was the need to grow relationships; relationships that truly matter. Not just “hey, tell me I’m great, tell me you love me and need me”. Not that sycophantic, needy type.

No, not that. And not the “oh wow, 5 more people ‘liked’ something I posted on Facebook” or “ooh, I have 20 more followers on Twitter”. In this age of increasingly instant gratification and simplification, where everyone’s a “celebrity” because they woke up and drew 2 breaths, we seem in danger of interpreting these things, rather cheap interactions as truly important and valuable.

So no, I’m not talking about these kinds of relationships, I’m talking about the types that truly matter. The ones that feed your soul and where you help others. The ones that are built out of mutual respect, trust and value.

I’m Talking about Relationships that:

  • Help you help someone else
  • Help you build others up
  • Help you link others with the people, places, resources and future relationships that will help them, their family, their business, their organisations
  • Help you add value to others, businesses and organisations and receive a reward in return for your efforts in helping them

I’m talking about the relationships where through giving, you in turn grow because you know that you’ve collectively helped others out – which in turn benefits you. It’s a bit of a soap box of mine upon which I can rail every day against what I see many times as the cheapening of our values, morals and standards, but I’ll try not to do that.

Instead, I have a challenge for you this week. I challenge you today to the following:

  • Look at the kinds of relationships you have with people
  • The types of relationships that you’re attempting to build with people
  • Then have a long hard look at your motivation for building them

Take time for a thorough self-diagnosis of the gut wrenching kind if need be and ask yourself the following questions:

  • Are you just looking out for you, for number one? Seriously?
  • Are you hustling people, in that real nasty, cheap kinda way?
  • Is money all you care about?
  • What is your real passion and how can you help other people by truly using your passion?
  • What kind of relationships have you built with people and do they add value to their lives – over the long term as well as the short term
  • Do you care for and nurture your relationships – remembering birthdays, anniversaries, special occasions and genuinely take time out for these people at those times?
  • How can you give your absolute best to your relationships?

Then, after that, I challenge you to identify 3 things that you can do in the next 5 days to stop this and start adding real value to the lives of others. To keep you honest, I’m going to GIVE AWAY one copy of LinkedWorking, by Lewis Howes away to the person that shows the most amount of value, thoughtfulness and uniqueness. You have until the 31st of January, 2012 to qualify.

How Do You Get in the Running to Win?

To qualify, you need to let me know what your three things are that you’re going to do to add real value to the lives of others and then what you did to make it happen. No personal information will be made public, unless you expressly say that you’re ok with me doing so.

I am hoping that through asking these questions and through the other questions that they’re going to trigger, that you’re going to get some great, some controversial answers that challenge you, push you, reward you and compel you build a better, deeper connection with people.

Because that what it’s all about – people and the interconnection between us all. Man is not an island and without other people how can we truly be whole, be complete, be satisfied that life was worth living and striving and pushing for?

Till next time,



image copyright tuchodi

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    I always emailed this blog post page to all my friends, as if like to read it afterward my contacts will too.

    • Matthew

      You are too kind. I really hope that your contacts and friends will get a lot out of it as well. I’ve some great topics planned for the coming weeks.

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    Informative articles can be boring, but you have turned that concept around. This is very interesting and the content is simply amazing. I love it. Keep up the great work.

  • wing

    Oh my, I wrench when I see the part about being sycophantic and needy. Given my age, when people (real people around me) are mostly criticising what I am doing, it is natural for me to look for encouragement elsewhere (say on LinkedIn). Sometimes I just need the ego boost to keep on going, doing the things I love to do. Nevertheless, I don’t build relationship because I think it benefits me. Sometimes, I feel more like I building relationship because I think I could connect with the person. I talk because I feel like talking. Luckily enough for me (and unfortunate for some), it is a tendency for me to feel like talking. (and I usually can do a lot of monologue as seen here(: )

    I am still inexperience in life but personally, I feel I could learn something from the people I meet, anybody, really. Life works in an unexpected way doesn’t it.

  • Curt Winchester

    Many thanks for your submission, previously interesting and compelling. I found my way here through Google, I’ll return over again :)

    • Matthew

      Hey Curt,

      thanks kindly for your feedback and for wanting to return. I’m glad that the site’s really helpful for you.

  • admin

    Not a problem at all. If there’s anything else I can do, email or tweet me. More than happy to help.

  • admin

    Hi there, feel free to either tweet me @dreamermanifest or email me: Thanks for leaving a comment/trackback.

  • Matthew

    Hey there Gabsterz2,

    mate, the last part of your comment seems to be cut off. Where did you find the blog? Thanks for dropping a comment by the way.


  • Matthew

    Hi there, thanks for coming back. I update the site at least once a week. Hope to see you here more often.

  • Matthew

    Hey there, you can get in on all the updates and social link in the top right corner of the site. Thanks for being a part of the community.

  • Matthew

    Thanks kindly for coming over from them. What do you like most about the site and how can I help you out the most?

  • Matthew

    Great to hear. Do you have the link handy? I’d love to know what found it. Thanks for coming over. I hope you really get a lot out of the site. Any questions, just let me know.